Josh was a drunk for seven years of our marriage. It was very hard for me as I did not grow up with parents who drank nor was I ever around drinking much. It was a total change for me and it was not easy, especially with kids. There were many times I felt like packing up the kids and leaving. Something I always think about is how I never really had the urge to leave, I just felt like, no you stay. It was so hard to see someone you love, love something else more. And sadly that something else was alcohol. I remember just wanting him to be present, just help with the boys or even play with them. I will say during the day he did a pretty good job making sure he spent time with the boys.
This was not what I wanted for the boys, so I prayed alot and shared/yelled at Josh for what he was doing, which after awhile you just learn to step back and watch. Because yelling actually makes it worse. So I started to learn to just give it to God and try trusting in him and his plan. It took me awhile to finally be able to do that. As the boys grew I had them pray for Daddy too. After a wedding one night Josh was very drunk and we had to pull over and let him puke, the boys were so upset they almost started crying. The next day they asked me questions about why was Daddy so sick and they were sad. I really think that was a changing point for Josh. His own kids were sad about his drinking and he saw that. I would say about 6 months later, Josh came out of the bathroom crying and he said he wanted a change and was sick of his drinking. I will never forget his face, he was sincere and something changed in him. I knew something was different this time and December of 2015 he quit drinking. He has now been sober for 3 years!!!!!
He has been an inspiration not only to others but to his boys, which I am so thankful for!!
I know some spouses drinking may lead to abuse, which is something Josh never did to me or the boys, he got angry but never to the point of hitting.
There have been more things we went through, but praying, our love, and encouragement from others has been key.
When you go through trials, pray and be honest and God will comfort you.
A quote from one of my favorite books- Reedeming Love- Francine Rivers-
Love the Lord your God, and love one another as he loves. Love with strength and purpose and passion and no matter what comes against you. Don't weaken. Stand against the darkness, and love. That's the way back into Eden. That's the way back to life.
I wanted to share this to maybe help others. I wasn't sure we would make it to 10 years, but we did and I am so thankful we are at a better place then we were on our wedding day.
I LOVE you Joshua with a love that has made it through many trials and I know God has a plan for us.
With God all things are possible.
